Will He

I don't think he'd move if it came down to it. Ive sacrificed so much and I can't move. I don't like it here. The schools suck. But they need him and I wont take them away for my own selfish needs.

I wont, no matter how much I like it "there."

So when push comes to shove

Will he?

Guess only time will tell.

Then there's the "other stuff," what am I doing?

It's fun and safe, and I enjoy the company. But it can never be more then it is. And he reminds me so much of "him." Which really isn't a good thing.

Am I closing myself off too life? To real possibilities?

What do I want to say?

I've wanted to do this for so long.

I have so much to say....I think a really good book to write. I need an outlet too for all the craziness that runs thru my mind.

********

The book I must start soon...a pre-new years resolution.

For now.....

I hate this little apartment. I hate the city I live in. i want so much more, I want so much more for my kids. I had it good and blew it. Then years later I had it REALLY good but that wasnt meant to be. No matter the money. So now here I am alone, in a one bedroom apt with two kids. Thinking how the fuck did I get here? I cant believe Im starting over at this age.

Ugh